Mean Streets

Big news! I am now a legal driver in Taiwan. I have been driving without a license for six years and probably never would have done it if I didn’t have Draidan. I got an international license which would probably work but you never know here. What really got me thinking I should do it was about a month ago when a drunk driver drove his scooter into the back of my co-workers car as she was pulling out of a parking space. He was okay, which was amazing as the back of her little car was destroyed. But, despite being way over the legal limit, the police were almost siding with him because he was shouting louder. (That is how traffic accidents tend to be resolved in Taiwan- whoever screams the loudest and makes the other person feel the most scared is in the right.) He was actually going to sue her for crashing into her drunk. All of this made me realize that despite driving better than 95% of the people on the road here, I was leaving myself open for a low blow by some drunk Taiwanese redneck. Then, coincidentally, two weeks later, one of my students told me that she was going to go take her driving test. I told her I was thinking of doing it and she offered to help me do everything involved in getting one. So this afternoon, I met her and her mother at the driving center and began the process. She was quite scared, which made me a little bit calmer. I wasn’t worried about the actual driving portion of the test but the written had me worried. The Taiwanese driving manual is what originally stopped me from applying for my license. It is filled with about 50 pages of the worst Chinglish one could imagine. Half the rules make no sense whatsoever. For example and I quote, “Naivee of car functions is not related with riding safety.” “In accident rescue, riders should not bargain responsibilities and take moral responsibilities to save the injured in order to prevent from damage increase.” Or one of my favorites, “Riding on the sidewalk should be fined and recorded with 1 violation point.” What country has to put in their manual that driving on the sidewalk is wrong. Let alone, only give the violator one point on their license for doing so?
Moving on...Cindy was awesome and babysat me well in the scary Taiwanese government building and delivered me to the testing room on time. I guy from Equador was also taking the test and was as confused as me.
It mostly consisted of multiple choice questions. Alas, I answered the questions too fast and froze their computer. So the clerk moved me to a different computer and asked me to slow down. She said, “You have 45 minutes to write the test. No hurry.” But the test literally took 10 minutes at the most. The worst part was that the computer test made less sense than the driving manual. Long story short, I passed with a score of 92% and was now ready to do my “road test.” I had already watched my student, Cindy, do the road test an hour earlier which she passed with flying colors. Congratulations Cindy! The test literally consists of driving in a straight line for seven seconds and then driving around a semi-circle and stopping twice. During the 7 second portion, if you touch the little sensors on either side of you- you fail. I will post a video to prove just how easy it is. A trained chimpanzee can get a driver’s license in Taiwan. (Which accounts for how insane the roads are here.) They had a place to practice the test and I was able to do about 20 seconds in the 7 second portion part of the test. (Which you get two chances to do) So I thought it would be stupidly easy. Then, I did it. I lined up and the people in front of me kept failing, which started to worry me. Then, just as I was about to go, the guy doing the tests asked if I understood how the test works. I said, “I do.” Then, he stopped me and took everyone waiting for their turn around the course to see what to do. I just wanted to get it over with. Apparently, I didn’t stand out enough before- I guess I had to have the instructor give all of them a tutorial before my turn to really make them focus on the course. So after he finished, about 30 people waiting on these bleachers behind me started intently watching. So what do I do? Totally choke! Just as I pulled out, my U-lock started to slip off. Worried that it would fall on the censor, I kicked it over, which through off my balance and resulted in me putting my foot down, which is not allowed. I didn't even drive 2 seconds. LAME! Totally pissed, I quickly went back and did it again. This time successfully but still feeling embarrassed for not doing it easily the first time. The guy from Equador did the same thing which made me feel a little better.
So anyways, Cindy and I now have Taiwanese driver's licenses. Beware!

Look Whose Canadian

We got his passport yesterday, so Mr. Draidan Soul Usher is now officially Canadian.

Tea

We went for another monster walk today and I managed to get really dark. I didn't put on sunscreen as it was a little cloudy when I left. 5 minutes after leaving though, the sun came out and I think I am almost burnt. While sitting in the park drinking a bottle, a few women stopped to see Drai and chat. The three women turned into eight and soon I literally had 12 people standing around cooing at him. I wanted to take a picture because I figured all of you would think I was exaggerating but I thought they might think it was weird if I started taking pictures of them. Moreover, I didn't want to pull out my camera and have a bunch of people start passing him around posing. I don't like strangers touching my baby. It was actually a little uncomfortable having that many people questioning me in Chinese about my baby.
I then brought him home and Jenny took him out to Anping to see her family. This was his first time going to his grandparents house. Jenny's family essentially lives on the biggest tourist attraction in Tainan. It is the first street really built in the city and is swamped by tourists every weekend. So much in fact, that they can't even park their scooters or cars in their garage because they won't be able to get them out. The street is filled with tons of food and souvenir stores. Jenny's mom took him down the street and showed him off to every vendor. All of whom say he doesn't look Taiwanese at all. He wasn't fussy all day and stayed awake for about 5 hours happily being passed around from person to person. I didn't go as I hate crowds and going their on a weekend is a serious test of my patience.
When Jenny took him to her parents house, I went to the pool to get a much needed swim in.
When they got home, I did my weekly photo shoot with Drai. This time utilizing the enormous teapot Jenny's sister gave her. Seriously, what was she thinking? I know it is the thought that counts, but I don't think she really put much thought into it. It's like the time my dad gave me $20 to go watch wrestling and I bought him his Christmas present with his change. A calendar celebrating each month with a photo of a half naked man wearing spandex. (The gift that keeps on giving.) I am pretty sure Mr.September was his favorite.

This teapot is enormous! A teapot of mythical proportions. A teapot to end all teapots. Bask in the glory that is our teapot.
I guess it can always be used as a war cub to bludgeon a robber with. Ah well, it gave me some pretty funny pictures.

Mmmmmm tea.
I added the photos to shutterfly.

For Heather

To appease Aunty Heather, here is a photo of Draidan wearing a necktie. Apparently, the newborn with a gun photo wasn't a hit. You guys are such Negative Nellies. But seriously, he needs to start building some serious street cred now to avoid any bully situations in the future.

I know at least two of you reading this blog are pregnant. Let me give you a piece of advice- don't teach your baby to roll over or stand at two months old! Bad idea. Now, that I taught him how to roll over, he tries to do it constantly, which makes you stress out more because if your baby is lying on his stomach, there is a bigger chance of him getting S.I.D.S. (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.) Moreover, it makes them way more maneuverable when you are trying to change them, feed them etc. Now, that he has learned this trick, it's all he wants to do. We have a special pillow for babies that stops them from being able to roll over- which REALLY pisses him off. How do babies react when they can't get what they want- scream.
So my coaching has landed me in the dog pound with mommy. Hopefully, she doesn't find out that I taught him how to shoot Jagermeister or I will really be in trouble.

Jenny brought him to my school on Wednesday and he showed everyone how he can stand and dance. He has to lean to stand up but he can balance pretty well for his age. We got his Taiwanese passport today and his Canadian one should arrive by April 4th. I didn't have my first passport until I was 16. He will have two passports before he is 3 months old! Fast becoming an international man of mystery.
One month and he will be in Canada! The weeks are all a blur right now. That will come faster than I will be ready for it.

Cops and Robbers

Draidan learned how to flip himself over from his belly to his back tonight. Which is pretty impressive considering he is only two months and three days old. I managed to get one of them on film. He has become quite the chatter, as well. I will add videos to the shutterfly tomorrow morning.
Oh and yes, he is now packing heat.

Walk Hard

Today is Sunday. So Jenny was gone all morning at work. Draidan woke up and was really grumpy. I have figured out that the best thing for both of us is when he gets in this mood is to just bust out the stroller and take him for a long walk. He calmed down instantly and I ended up walking for almost three hours. At this rate, I should have a nice tan by the time I get back to Canada. Or...look like a tomato. One of the two. We stopped by a big supermarket and picked up a few things. He woke up just once to smile at the Duracel Spokes Model who was cooing over him and then passed out again.

One of the biggest problems about going anywhere on the street in Taiwan is the taxis. I have been to 11 countries in Asia and with the exception of Japan,the cab drivers are annoying in all of them. Taiwan cab drivers are especially annoying though. They take annoying to whole new levels of annoyingness. Yes, I know that is not a word, but this is my blog and I am rolling with it. When they aren't weaving in and out of traffic like lunatics, running red lights, pushing scooters off the road and driving the wrong way up the street, they can usually be found parking their taxi in a place that blocks the rest of the road. They also have the really bad habit of honking at anyone they see walking. But they don't just honk, that would be too polite. Instead,they drive up quietly behind you and then honk the horn loudly just as they approach you. Which scares the hell out of you, not to mention the baby you are pushing. I don't know why they can't figure out that if people want a ride, we will stop and wave at them. To make matters worse, the practice of tricking out their horn has caught on. Thus, the horn belches out some high-pitched abrasive sound that only seems right on an Arizona freeway.

Taiwan is starting to become a more developed nation though. Even in the 6 years I have been here, the difference is amazing. When I got to Taiwan, there was about four western restaurants in Tainan. Now, they are everywhere. The public transportation gets more efficient and greener every year. I just read that their high speed rail is on time 99.5% of the time and Taipei's subway system is rated number one in the world. They just banned cigarettes from all public places, too. The only annoying thing is they made a special allowance for pubs and nightclubs to still be able to smoke. Which were always the worst places for it in the first place. All the nightclubs are owned by gangsters, who pay off the government officials, who then structure the laws to benefit their "investors." The biggest thing holding the country back is the government corruption.

Alas, the party running the country now are quickly selling out Taiwan to China. The new president Ma is a sheep in wolf's clothing and because his party owns 85% of the media outlets in Taiwan- the people are completely oblivious to it. If they actually did their homework on the guy, they would see that not only was his fancy Ivy League schooling in the US paid for by the KMT but he also worked as a spy for them during his time in America. The guy used to sell out the Taiwanese academics studying in the US to the KMT government. Who would then bar them from coming back to Taiwan. He would attend anti-Taiwan rallies and always preached unification with China. And now he is president. He immediately lynched the last president with trumped up charges and now they are giving him one of the most unfair trials in Taiwan's history. When a Chinese diplomat came to Taiwan for talks, many Taiwanese took to the streets to wave Taiwanese flags as the motorcade drove by. The police were ordered to take away their flags and even arrested some of them. Could you imagine how angry Canadians would be if we had our flags torn out of our hands because they might offend a Chinese dignitary? This is one of the best things about all the kids learning English here. They will start to be able to go online and see the truth about what is happening in their country.

Oh, baby wants to play... enough politics.

Just the Pics

You can see the whole set on my Shutterfly page.

Almost Canadian

I went up to Taipei again on Friday morning and finished the application for Drai's citizenship and also applied for his Canadian passport. So if everything goes as planned, he will be officially Canadian by April 4th. That will be a relief. It will be so nice to not have to deal with anymore government bureaucracy for awhile. He then will have two passports and dual citizenship which is pretty cool.

Last Sunday, we went over to Terry's house for our monthly "boy's morning out" which is essentially us just watching the UFC fights and drinking baileys. We aren't the wild men we once were. I was really worried that Draidan would be fussy and scream the whole time. Terry always says he doesn't like babies and the UFC fights are his favorite morning of the month, so I terrified it would be destroyed if Screamy McScreamerson decided to come out. So at 10am, I got Drai dressed, tossed him in the stroller and walked to Terry's place. He only whined for about a minute and then I realized he was too hot and took the blanket off. Once in Terry's living room, the child hating Terry took Drai like a seasoned pro and began talking away to him happily. Drai adores him and kept grinning away at everything Terry said. For a guy that says he doesn't like babies, he sure seems to be good with them. Drai was awesome and we made it through almost the entire three hours of fights with him sitting happily beside us. We then decided to push our luck and try and take him out to a restaurant for lunch. He slept the whole way through and was completely zonked out for the 40 minute walk back home as well.
He is starting to cry a lot less and baby talk a lot more. It is nice because he is starting to be able to entertain himself too. I need to buy him a new mobile. I got an expensive Fisher Price one and it stopped turning after about a week. We pretty much have no downtime whatsoever. When Jenny is working, I am taking care of Drai and vice versa. I have had to give up learning Chinese as I am just too tired and any spare time I do have, I need to put into physio for my back. (Which is getting sore from carrying him around all the time.)
We have bought our plane tickets and will be flying into Vancouver on April 20th. We arrive late though, so will have to spend one night there. The stupid travel agent booked us sitting in different aisles and rows for the way there. We are flying with China Airlines, which I swore I would never do again after going to Hawaii but it is on the new Airbus and almost $700 cheaper. So I am going to try one more time. I am totally dreading that flight though. I don't think we will spend much time in Victoria this time because with a baby in tow, it will be hard to stay anywhere. So you guys are going to have to come visit me at my parents house. Doooo it! Dooo it!

Want Photos?

I have started using Shutterfly.
Blogspot is archaic in how it lets you upload photos. So if you want to see all the photos I am taking of the monkey- go to...


www.draidansoulusher.shutterfly.com
I will keep adding video footage too.

Photos

This is the toque grandma knitted him. Alas, it is now 32 degrees. So he will have to wait until Canada to wear it.

Odd Melon

I didn’t think people were really reading this blog. So I wasn’t writing much. I need instant gratification or I stop doing things. However, since I see at least 6 of you are reading this… I shall continue.
The headache with Drai’s visa and citizenship continues. Not really due to the Canadian Trade Office. More to do with the Taiwanese customer service. When we checked the pictures sizes after returning from Taipei- sure enough they were not the size we asked for. So we went back to the developer and told them to reprint them in the size we asked. We know we gave her the right size because we actually handed her a print out of what the photo needed including a diagram. They printed new ones and I went to pick them up today. I brought them home, Jenny measured them and they are still wrong. Meanwhile, the hospital where Drai was born keeps giving us birth certificates with errors. I took Drai to the hospital with me on Monday morning and asked with bad Chinese for the birth certificate. They told me to wait a moment as the doctor needed to sign the certificate. So we waited patiently for the doctor to sign it. (She was delivering twins.) After almost an hour, Drai started getting fed up. He is okay as long as there is someone to talk to or he is moving but he doesn’t handle waiting very well. Sadly, he seems to have inherited my patience. Finally, a nurse came out of the delivery room, handed me an envelope and said, “Baby so cute!” And rushed off. So I then walked Drai back home and gave the envelope to Jenny. She took one look at it and said, “They didn’t put the name of the hospital or their address on it.” She was totally right. So she called up the hospital and they blamed me! They said, “We asked your husband to check it over before we gave it to the doctor. She is very busy. We shouldn’t be wasting her time.”
So this totally pissed me off as I didn’t even see the envelope until it was handed to me by the nurse. So then Jenny went back and showed them what they did wrong and again I somehow got blamed for their mistake. Long story short, we are not going to be able to get all his travel documents ready for when we originally thought. So we have had to push back the date of the Canada trip until April 20th. It can’t come soon enough. We need some grandma, grandpa, aunt time to let us catch a breath.
Last night, I was so tired that I fell asleep using the wrong pillow. Sounds trivial enough but I woke up this morning and literally couldn’t get out of bed. It feels like I have a knife stuck under my left shoulder blade. The weird thing is I never have back pain there. I tried to go to the physio- clinic that I used to go to but they couldn’t see me until 3:30, which is when my first class starts. I can’t really afford to take time off, so I ended up going and buying a tennis ball and trying to use it to loosen up my back by rolling against it on the wall. (It didn’t work.) Even the Robaxacet wasn’t touching it. I am dangerously close to running out too. That was the only thing that helped me get through the day. And to make matters worse, Drai is going through a phase where I need to hug him and walk around with him constantly or he will scream. I can’t hug him and stand still. I need to hug him and walk. As the temperature and humidity starts to increase, I am starting to get worried. Moreover, carrying him constantly when my back hurts so bad is not helping matters. We need a break!
This Sunday, I am going to take him over to Terry’s house to watch the UFC . We always get up early and watch them live together. The time difference causes them to show on Sunday morning here. Hopefully, he will be on his best behavior or we won’t be invited back.
I am also starting to worry about Drai’s head. He freaks out if I put him on his stomach. He absolutely despises being on his tummy. I read in the books that he needs supervised tummy time to gain important skills like crawling. Perhaps, he plans to skip the crawling and move straight into the windmill and other downrock break dance moves but I am worried that time is of the essence here. The back of his head looks flat to me. And he always has his head turned to the left, so his head is lopsided. (He could end up like Zoolander and Gunner and only be able to turn one way.) I hope this will change as he gets older. I don’t want to be the parent of the lopsided-head kid that screams every time he lays on his stomach. Now I know how James’ parents must have felt. Does he still do that Jennifer?

So Drai, if you are reading this 18 years from now- it’s your own damn fault that you have a weird shaped melon.

Times A Flyin'

We had a very busy week. First, we had to get Drai’s passport photos taken. What a nightmare! Do you know how hard it is to get a 7 week old baby to hold his head up and look straight into a camera with his mouth closed? And the photo can’t have the parent propping up the head. Not fun but a necessity as we wanted to apply for his Canadian citizenship last Friday. So after about 20 minutes of snapping photos, the clerk was sure she had at least one that would pass.

Drai then had to get his tuberculosis shot on Thursday, which I was really worried about because it often leaves really bad scars. All Taiwanese people have a scar from it and some of them look awful. He was really tough and only cried for about 30 seconds and then moved onto better things like checking out he nurses. His arm looks good so far, so I think he will have a pretty minimum mark from it. Then, Friday morning we had to take him up to Taipei to apply for his Canadian citizenship card. We took the new HSR (High Speed Rail) from Tainan to Taipei. It is basically the Taiwanese equivalent of the Japanese bullet train. I had low expectations but was absolutely blown away by the service, appearance and trip with them. Everyone spoke English, the buildings were nicely designed and easy to navigate and the train was really comfortable. Best of all, a trip that used to take at least 6 hours (if you managed to miss traffic) now takes an hour and a half. We got from Tainan to downtown Taipei in 90 minutes. And the station attaches to Taipei’s mass transit system, so you can hop on a sky train and pretty much go anywhere you would want to in the city. Drai was awesome and slept the entire way there. He woke up upon arrival and as we were on a tight timeline, I decided to feed him in the back of a taxi. Bad idea. We rushed into the Canadian trade office, which thankfully wasn’t busy and then slid into a private room to begin the paperwork. Drai began screaming super loud as soon as we entered the little room with the liaison. I didn’t know why until he projectile vomited all over Jenny, the chair and the floor. (Much to the horror of the liaison.) I had never seen him throw up like that before and assume it was probably due to the combination of dealing with the Canadian government and riding in a Taiwanese cab. Alas, the photos were not good enough for their standards and the birth certificate didn’t say his gender, so they couldn’t finish the application. The woman in the office was really helpful though and is holding it for me and letting me mail the new photos and new birth certificate to her. I just need to do it in a week. Hopefully, the hospital won’t be slow typing up a new one. I then need to try and get up there again with plane tickets and then they will give me an emergency Canadian passport, which will cut down the process of getting him one by about 1 year. It is amazing how slow the Canadian government is to do things like this. I think I am a fifth generation Canadian but my son has a harder time getting granted his citizenship than someone smuggled into the country by the Chinese Triads. Pretty frustrating.

It was then back onto the train, back to Tainan and then back to work. When I was at work, Drai had to get yet another shot which apparently will prevent ear infections and colds. It was a $100 shot, so hopefully it works. I was plagued by ear infections as an infant, so if it spares Drai the agony of it- money well spent.
Sunday is my only day off and Jenny works all morning, so terrified that I would have a repeat of last Sunday where he screamed for three hours, I decided to feed him, throw him in the stroller and take him for a walk. One block turning into two blocks, three into four and before I knew it, I had spent 3 hours walking about Tainan with the little fellah. He didn’t make a peep the whole trip, so I just kept walking. Unfortunately, I didn’t think about sunscreen and now have a rather sunburned face. The weeks are going by so fast now. I don’t seem to have enough time in the day to do half the things I want to. Before I know it, he will be 18 and stealing my whiskey.